Monday, May 4, 2015

Be Blessed, Not Stressed!

Psalms 1:1-2 (Amp)
Blessed (happy, fortunate, prosperous, and enviable) is the man who walks and lives not in the counsel of the ungodly [following their advice, their plans and purposes], nor stands [submissive and inactive] in the path where sinners walk, nor sits down [to relax and rest] where the scornful [and the mockers] gather.  But his delight and desire are in the law of the Lord, and on His law (the precepts, the instructions, the teachings of God) he habitually meditates (ponders and studies) by day and by night. And he shall be like a tree firmly planted [and tended] by the streams of water, ready to bring forth its fruit in its season; its leaf also shall not fade or wither; and everything he does shall prosper [and come to maturity].
In the above scripture God instructs Christians how to be blessed and this applies to every area of life, yes, even marriage. Despite the things you may have experienced or will experience in your marriage that can sometimes try to lead to frustration, discouragement, distrust, strife, alienation, anger etc., you can decide today to live a Blessed life. The Blessed life does not promise that you will not have temptations or test and trials. However, it does promise that if you live according to the instructions given to us in Psalms 1, that you will prosper in everything you do. 
So that means when you do marriage it will prosper and come to maturity. When things seem like they are not changing with your spouse, don’t get discouraged. Be patient and wait on the Lord. Endeavor not to allow stress and various fears to stealthily creep into your heart and mind causing a major delay in seeing the blessing of God manifest in your life and marriage. Stay on track and don’t be slack in your daily fellowship with God. He will see to it that your life flourishes and remains BLESSED!

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Thursday, April 30, 2015

Wisdom Builds the House, Foolishness Tears it Down!

Proverbs 14:1
Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.

The word build defined: construct by putting parts or materials together over a period of time. 

Marriages are built, they don't come pre-packaged or pre-assembled. The scripture above says a wise women builds. This reveals to us that it takes the wisdom of God to build a healthy strong marriage. However, it is the foolishness of human beings that destroy it.

Foolish defined: lacking good sense or judgment, unwise.

The wisdom of God establishes are lives in truth and the bible says the truth makes you free (John 8:31-32).

There are principles in the word of God, if followed, will produce tremendous blessings for you and your spouse. It takes wisdom to live with another person in peace and harmony. You have to learn when to give and when to receive, when to speak and when not to speak. You need to allow wisdom to guide your words and discipline your thoughts. God's wisdom will never disappoint or deceive.

The bibles says in James 1:5, if any of you lack wisdom, let him ask God, that giveth to all men liberally and upbraideth not, and it shall be given him.

God does not have a limited supply of wisdom however you still must ask for it, that's just the way God designed the system. If you don't ask you won't have.

Start building your marriage foundation with the appropriate materials that will assure good success.

Wisdom is the principal thing, therefore get wisdom, and with all thy getting get understanding. Proverbs 4:7

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Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Having the Same Mind

"So by whatever [appeal to you there is in our mutual dwelling in Christ, by whatever] strengthening and consoling and encouraging [our relationship] in Him [affords], by whatever persuasive incentive there is in love, by whatever participation in the [Holy] Spirit [we share], and by whatever depth of affection and compassionate sympathy,  Fill up and complete my joy by living in harmony and being of the same mind and one in purpose, having the same love, being in full accord and of one harmonious mind and intention.  Do nothing from factional motives [through contentiousness, strife, selfishness, or for unworthy ends] or prompted by conceit and empty arrogance. Instead, in the true spirit of humility (lowliness of mind) let each regard the others as better than and superior to himself [thinking more highly of one another than you do of yourselves]. Let each of you esteem and look upon and be concerned for not [merely] his own interests, but also each for the interests of others.  Let this same attitude and purpose and [humble] mind be in you which was in Christ Jesus: [Let Him be your example in humility:]"
Philippians 2:1-4

I am confident that you and your spouse are growing and maturing every day in your love one toward another. It’s always so wonderful to see people’s lives change for the good, through their increased knowledge and obedience in Christ.
As you and your spouse go forward with the expectation to have the best godly marriage possible, it will be important that you remain in unity and keep the mind of Christ fresh and active in your lives. Staying in unity helps to keep respect and honor for one another. 

Read the scriptures above over and over again, day after day after day. Incorporate these truths into your daily lives and you will soon see supernatural change worth waiting for. Having the same mind does not mean you will always agree on everything (i.e. I like blue dishes but my spouse wanted orange, I wanted hardwood floors and he wants carpet). The same mind means that we think like Christ, we yield to the way God thinks. God’s thoughts are revealed to us in the bible and the Holy Spirit will remind you of these truths. God’s thoughts are always right and pure, never selfish or manipulative. Thinking God’s thoughts toward your mate will always keep peace and harmony in your home and relationship. God Bless!

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Tuesday, April 28, 2015

The Big “C” Part 2 – Silence is Golden

Have you ever heard the phrase “Silence is Golden?” Well, I believe that can be true depending on the circumstance. The bible says,
He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth. Isaiah 53:7
When He was reviled and insulted, He did not revile or offer insult in return; [when] He was abused and suffered, He made no threats [of vengeance]; but he trusted [Himself and everything] to Him Who judges fairly. 1 Peter 2:23 (AMP)
There is a scripture in the bible that admonishes us to be quiet, I like that!
And that ye study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you; 1 Thessalonians 4:11
Study denotes search and practice. This lets us know that it will not just happen on its own, we must train ourselves to know when to speak and when not to speak, and that my friend is called temperance.
Temperance (self-control) is a fruit of the spirit, which is freely given to us by God. However, practice promotes growth and strength of the fruit in our lives. 
In order to effectively and wisely use silence in our marriage we must rely on the Holy Spirit, who knows all things.
Silence can be used for good or for evil. When we are living in the spirit we will use it for good and it will bear fruit that will bless both you and your spouse. However, when we choose to live a life according to the demands of our body and unrenewed mind we can cause great harm to our relationship.
Silence defined:
·       Forbearance from speech or noise: muteness
·       The fact or state of abstaining from speech.
·       Complete absence of sound.
Silence used as a form of revenge and/or retaliation is nothing more than a strong case of immaturity. Refraining from speaking or talking to your spouse as a way of getting back at them for something they did that you felt was inappropriate and/or hurtful is a true sign of ignorance and cultivating childish behavior. This kind of retaliation against your spouse will create a revolving door for the enemy to occupy free room and board in your home and relationship. This kind of silence is generally a learned behavior, a subtle form of aggression that generates a huge amount of stress (inward and outward).

1 Corinthians 13:11 states,
When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

Children by nature are undeveloped in many areas of their three part being. They must go through a process of growth and development in order to mature and become an adult. At different ages and stages of their young lives it is assumed that they will be nurtured and taught proper life skills. It would not be unusual and/or abnormal for a child to be selfish (self-centered), until he/she is taught to regard other people and their needs.
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Philippians 2:3-4
It would not be abnormal for a child to use noise sounds (screaming, yelling, crying etc.) instead of actual words to express frustration and anger. It would not be abnormal for a child to become distracted and inattentive when you are talking to them. However, these things become abnormal behavior when you reach adulthood. The expectation from other people would be that if you are an adult then somebody, somewhere cultivated and nurtured your initial seasons of growth and development and now that you are physically an adult you have put away childish things. Now the reality of this expectation is sometimes grime. Oftentimes we find not only are other people immature in various areas of life but that we ourselves have areas of immaturity. We all have room for growth and development in our lives no matter how old (physically) we are.
We must exercise patience and appropriate grace when interacting with our spouse. Show compassion and be gentle when dealing with inconsistency of behavior. Remember God will not force them to grow up (mature) they must want to change. Change will only began when they begin to earnestly seek God for help, He is the only one qualified to make the necessary changes. 
Remember, shutting your spouse out through “the silent treatment” will only worsen the situation. They need your words that are filled with forgiveness, peace and love to bring reconciliation and healing when your marriage relationship is under attack.
As Christian, we have God’s love in our heart which gives us the advantage against the wiles of the devil. Be alert and stay attentive to the Holy Spirit as He teaches you God’s way of doing things. Stand your guard against the flesh, the world and the devil and don’t let silent frustration kill, steal and destroy in your relationship with your spouse. Speak words of life and see God move in every area of your marriage covenant.
My prayer for you and your spouse today: Father God let your words of peace and love flow from the heart of this couple as they speak to one again today and every day, in Jesus Name. Amen 

The Marriage Manual is an outreach ministry of Harris Ministries International. Visit our websites:,,,, and God Bless!

Monday, April 27, 2015

Godly Permission for Submission

When we submit to each other as husband and wife, we are giving expression to the purity of God's love. Purity and trust are vital components to a godly marriage. Mistrust derives from impure thoughts that many times stemmed from acts of disloyalty and/or betrayal. God's love enables us to forgive and be forgiven. A whole heart (spirit) will not easily drift apart from the road of righteousness and truth. Stay on track by keeping back the subtle thoughts that come to distract you from godly submission. Don't bow to thoughts that contradict God's Word i.e. I am not his/her slave, If I submit then I will appear weak or like a wimp and my friends and family will laugh at me, I'm not doing what my spouse says I have a mind of my own, I'm not a puppet, etc.

Trust God that if He is requiring you as a godly man/woman to submit to your spouse than He knows what He is doing. God is wiser than we are, just obey Him and then reap the success of His wisdom.
Ephesians 5:21-31

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. 

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Wednesday, March 25, 2015


Let's talk about the Big 'C' - Communication.

Communication defined:

  • the act or process of using words, sounds, signs, or behaviors to express or exchange information or to express your ideas, thoughts, feelings, etc., to someone else
Periods of silence in a marriage lead to isolation, separation and delayed purpose. One of the highest levels of human interaction is marriage. The scripture says, "Again I say unto you, that if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven." (Matthew 18:19). 
Notice God did not just say touching would do it. It takes more than just physical contact and sexual intimacy to have good success in a marriage, you must communicate. Agreement takes communication. You can't agree with somebody unless they effectively communicate with you the thing that they want you to agree with them. Husbands and wives must come into agreement if they are to walk (live) together. The prophet Amos posed the question, "Can two walk together, except they be agreed." Amos 3:3

Agreement defined:

  • the absence of incompatibility between two things; consistency.
  • Synonyms: correspondence, consistency, compatibility, accord.

Could it be that the reason you think you are no longer compatible with your spouse is because you don't communicate any more and/or never learned to communicate with one another from the beginning. You speak words to each other but those words are not effectively communicating what's really on your heart and mind. You have adapted your life-style to just mere talking to be cordial however it is evident the two of you are not walking together because there's no true agreement. When communication ceases things began to decrease and eventually decease.
God's will is that you have a viable, meaningful relationship and union with your spouse however His ways of doing things are not like human ways. If we want good godly success in our marriage we must be willing to do things God's way.

The bible says,
"man shall not live by bread alone but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God." Matthew 4:4

God is saying to us here that it takes more than natural resources to sustain life. You and I must be willing to be imitators of God and copy His examples. God was saying if you are going to have a fruitful and/or successful relationship with me there has to be communication. If God doesn't speak (communicate) nothing in our lives could live or flourish. This then holds true for all unions or relationships. 

God's will for your marriage is that you and your spouse would grow in your love and honor for one another by cultivating and nurturing effective communication in all good things.

My prayer for you today is that you and your spouse would begin to practice effect communication, God's way -  today!

Philemon 1:6
That the communication of thy faith may become effectual by the acknowledging of every good thing which is in you in Christ Jesus

We will talk more on this subject in future blogs.

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Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Love Believes the Best

Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].      1 Corinthians 13:7 (AMP)           

God loves you so very much and He reveals that love through the person of His Son, Jesus Christ. It is His will that you know and understand and/or comprehend His love for you. However, it doesn’t just end there, God desires for you and I to experience His love towards us every day in every way. When we experience God’s love first hand it takes us to an entirely different level of trust and obedience.
Now hold on, I know you are ecstatic about that but that’s not all, God not only wants you to be a recipient of His love but an instrument of His love as well. An instrument is a tool used for service of the one authorized to use it or whomever (s)he lends it to.
It is God’s intent that you would be an instrument of His love allowing it to manifest in you and through you.
 In this the love of God was made manifest (displayed) where we are concerned: in that God sent His Son, the only begotten or unique [Son], into the world so that we might live through Him. 1 John 4:9

Manifest defined:
·        Readily perceived by the senses and especially by the sense of sight. (Merriam-Webster online)

A marriage union is a perfect environment and/or ideal setting for love to manifest. You spouse not only needs to know and understand you love them, they also need to experience the manifestation of that love. It’s one thing to know something but an entirely different thing to experience what you know.
In our scripture reading for today’s blog, 1Corinthians 13:7 speaks of love being manifest through us in that it is always ready (prepared) to believe (active faith – faith without works is dead – James 2:18) the best of every person. This lets us know that true love is not self-seeking but always finds a way to promote good will and peace. Just think of how many arguments and/or marital tensions could be averted through practicing this element of love. Refusing to focus on your spouse’s weakness and/or imperfections is a manifestation of the love of God through you towards them. They perceive and recognize your restrain in a time when you could have reacted negatively to their undesirable behavior. They see you consistently being an instrument in the hands of love as it uses you to be a scalpel to cut away or a bandage to cover unsightly areas in their lives.

To believe in something generally means that you are living by faith and not being persuaded by what you see. Believing the best in your spouse may mean that you see their weakness, uncontrolled temper, selfish attitude etc. every day but yet you choose to believe and act on what God thinks about them. You choose to believe and confess that they are the apple of God’s eye when you see them doing and acting against the plans and purposes that God has for their lives.  God’s love for your spouse is unconditional and is based upon His goodness and faithfulness not theirs.
Sometimes in our marriage relationships we can get so caught up and focusing on the love our spouse has neglected to give or express to us that we forget that’s not our sole reason for being in a marriage union. Remember God loved us when we were unlovable. He loved us before we ever responded favorably to His love. If you think about it God loves people who actually never loved Him back. Some people go to their graves and refuse to love God however that never stopped Him from loving them. His thoughts toward them are of peace and not of evil.
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” Jeremiah 29:11
I challenge you today to practice giving love despite the love you have or have not received in return.  Be determined to be a vessel or instrument ready for God to use daily. Choose to think like God and cultivate thoughts that believe the best of your spouse and  not thoughts of revenge, retaliation, suspicious, unforgiveness, pass hurts, betrayals, disappointments and failures but thoughts of peace and not evil.
Love truly believes the best.
My prayer for you and your spouse today is that you would believe the best of them and actively participate in daily opportunities to nurture and cultivate true love.
The Marriage Manual is an extension of Harris Ministries International, visit our websites.