Have you ever heard the phrase
“Silence is Golden?” Well, I believe that can be true depending on the
circumstance. The bible says,
He was oppressed, and he was
afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the
slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his
mouth. Isaiah 53:7
When He was reviled and insulted, He
did not revile or offer insult in return; [when] He was abused and suffered, He
made no threats [of vengeance]; but he trusted [Himself and everything] to Him
Who judges fairly. 1 Peter 2:23 (AMP)
There is a scripture in the bible
that admonishes us to study...to be quiet, I like that!
And that ye study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own
hands, as we commanded you; 1
Thessalonians 4:11
Study denotes search and practice.
This lets us know that it will not just happen on its own, we must train ourselves
to know when to speak and when not to speak, and that my friend is called
temperance.
Temperance (self-control) is a fruit
of the spirit, which is freely given to us by God. However, practice promotes growth
and strength of the fruit in our lives.
In order to effectively and wisely
use silence in our marriage we must rely on the Holy Spirit, who knows
all things.
Silence can be used for good or for
evil. When we are living in the spirit we will use it for good and it will bear
fruit that will bless both you and your spouse. However, when we choose to live
a life according to the demands of our body and unrenewed mind we can cause
great harm to our relationship.
Silence defined:
· Forbearance from speech or
noise: muteness
·
The fact or state of abstaining
from speech.
·
Complete absence of sound.
Silence used as a form of revenge and/or retaliation is
nothing more than a strong case of immaturity. Refraining from speaking or
talking to your spouse as a way of getting back at them for something they did
that you felt was inappropriate and/or hurtful is a true sign of ignorance and
cultivating childish behavior. This kind of retaliation against your spouse
will create a revolving door for the enemy to occupy free room and board in
your home and relationship. This kind of silence is generally a learned
behavior, a subtle form of aggression that generates a huge amount of stress
(inward and outward).
1 Corinthians 13:11 states,
When I was a child, I spake as a
child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man,
I put away childish things.
Children by nature are undeveloped
in many areas of their three part being. They must go through a process of
growth and development in order to mature and become an adult. At different ages
and stages of their young lives it is assumed that they will be nurtured and
taught proper life skills. It would not be unusual and/or abnormal for a child
to be selfish (self-centered), until he/she is taught to regard other people
and their needs.
Do nothing from selfishness or empty
conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than
yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also
for the interests of others. Philippians
2:3-4
It would not be abnormal for a child
to use noise sounds (screaming, yelling, crying etc.) instead of actual words
to express frustration and anger. It would not be abnormal for a child to
become distracted and inattentive when you are talking to them. However, these
things become abnormal behavior when you reach adulthood. The expectation from
other people would be that if you are an adult then somebody, somewhere
cultivated and nurtured your initial seasons of growth and development and now
that you are physically an adult you have put away childish things. Now the
reality of this expectation is sometimes grime. Oftentimes we find not only are
other people immature in various areas of life but that we ourselves have areas
of immaturity. We all have room for growth and development in our lives no
matter how old (physically) we are.
We must exercise patience and
appropriate grace when interacting with our spouse. Show compassion and be
gentle when dealing with inconsistency of behavior. Remember God will not force
them to grow up (mature) they must want to change. Change will only began
when they begin to earnestly seek God for help, He is the only
one qualified to make the necessary changes.
Remember, shutting your spouse out
through “the silent treatment” will only worsen the situation. They need your
words that are filled with forgiveness, peace and love to bring reconciliation
and healing when your marriage relationship is under attack.
As Christian, we have God’s love in
our heart which gives us the advantage against the wiles of the devil. Be alert
and stay attentive to the Holy Spirit as He teaches you God’s way of doing
things. Stand your guard against the flesh, the world and the devil and don’t
let silent frustration kill, steal and destroy in your relationship with your
spouse. Speak words of life and see God move in every area of your marriage
covenant.
My prayer for you and your spouse
today: Father God let your words of peace and love flow from the heart of this
couple as they speak to one again today and every day, in Jesus Name. Amen
